Julie Noparstak, LCSW

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” – Albert Einstein

            When we live in expanded awareness, we have the potential to create anything in our lives, and self-awareness is the vital link we need to be intentional about this. Often, we get in our own way by creating a habit of low expectations for ourselves, and as we awaken, we can release the habits of struggling and break the inherited cycle of negative generational patterns. With self-awareness, we can gain a new perspective that we do have the ability to change. From this place of self-awareness, we are able to witness our own role in our lives and model for our children a higher level of living. 

            When we realize we are each unique and have our own individuality and that no one is better than anyone else, we can use this awareness to put both attention and intention into our own lives, and as parents we can help our children do the same. The path to authentic living is a choice we make, and one we can nurture daily with self-awareness, discipline, and by maintaining healthy emotional boundaries with others. Our behavior and the beliefs we hold will determine the experiences of our life. There is an internal connection—with our true Self—that we can identify, nurture, and rely on once we learn how. The inner voice is a quiet whisper in the mind, and if we do not know how to regulate our emotions, the mind becomes fragmented and confused. By realizing we are in control of our lives, we can develop self-awareness and a new way of approaching our relationships with ourselves, our partners, our children, and others. We can do this by making gentle shifts toward self-care that help us feel good, because when we feel good, we make better choices. Caring for ourselves with good nutrition, adequate sleep, regular exercise, meditation, emotional regulation tools, and an organized plan enables us to use a mindful approach in our parenting, relationships, finances, work, hobbies, and creative pursuits. From this higher level of awareness and energy, we are able to connect more fully with ourselves and our purpose, here and now. 

            Self-awareness lays the foundation for creating an honest bond with ourselves, a state of being in which we live in self-regard and without self-criticism. This in turn generates positive and healthy connections with others, and it is in these relationships, especially with our partners and children, that we can reflect on our pasts and heal our emotional wounds and traumas. In accessing and processing our own feelings, thoughts, and experiences, we gain access to our truth and begin to understand our role in creating and expressing our life with intention, authenticity, and purpose. It is when we are connected to and understand our feelings that we have access to our inner knowing and intuition.

          Getting in touch with our inner selves is not as mysterious as some might think. In fact, our inner voices speak to us often as we are moving through our days in waking visions, dreams, and even in vague gut feelings. All too often, people dismiss these as unimportant or even crazy, or they fail to notice, acknowledge, or remember them at all. Pay attention to the inner promptings and guidance and nurture these messages rather than acquiescing to the strong pull against doing so. If we are honest with ourselves, we all know with certainty what is best for us in every situation. When we live our lives in this way—from a place of self-awareness, grounded in our personal truth—we can examine situations in our lives and with our children, using our feelings as a guide to reflect on our experiences. This is how to live in the present moment, which offers opportunities for self-discovery and creative living. Finding this connection with our inner Self enables us to understand who we really are; in turn, this enables us to relate to and understand others. The intent is to hold sacred the idea that each of us is unique and special, and that our journey in life is infinitely enriched by our ability to understand our own role in living, creating, and connecting through– self-awareness in our relationships. When we live authentically, we are aligned with our purpose and can express ourselves honestly and with our best efforts. If we can stay centered in our truth, our parenting and relationship challenges become opportunities for learning and growth, rather than obstacles. 

Throughout the developmental stages of our lives, we experience moments that become memories, both unconscious and conscious. Some are nurturing and healthy, some extremely challenging, and some negative, traumatic, and very painful. Because the mind and emotions are often confusing and elusive, and the stresses of life often push us into survival mode, we can easily lose our true selves without being aware of it. The habit of this disconnection is often set in our earliest experiences and, once set, must be unlearned. In reflecting on our lives, what if we were able to re-parent ourselves—this time, with self-awareness? In creating corrective and healing experiences as we parent our children and nurture relationships, we could let go of depression, anxiety, insecurity, and maladaptive behaviors.

Self-aware parenting can be done for others, in real time, as we authentically nurture and support another (child, partner, parent, friend, student, colleague), as well as in a reparative way for ourselves. There is security in this relationship with our intact sense of Self, and when we use it as our foundation, we can extend and offer love to others, rather than imposing on them our own expectations or unfulfilled longings. With self-awareness, we can enter a relationship with another from a place of wholeness and move into a reciprocal exchange in which we can grow and evolve together, with intact boundaries, empowered by the knowledge that each person is being seen, valued, and supported.

            When we can be clear in who are, we can maintain a strong sense of our Self. This invisible Self—which could also be referred to as one’s personality, spirit, or soul—is what needs to be nurtured so that, when we connect with another, there is an intellectual and emotional sharing and joining, without a loss of our personal sense of Self.